


(i think i made you up inside my head)

by funsizedshaw



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F, major angst, ok there's some fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:48:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funsizedshaw/pseuds/funsizedshaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I won't let you fly/I won't say goodbye/I won't let you slip away from me"</p><p>Root has flashbacks of Shaw all the time now that she's disappeared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(i think i made you up inside my head)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Sylvia Plath's poem, Mad Girls' Love Song. 
> 
> Lyrics in summary are from Tears of An Angel by RyanDan. 
> 
> Un beta-ed. All mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I do not own any of the characters or any plot points that look familiar.

Root stared up at the night sky, counting each star. She never had time to spare to do things like this, not with the job she had. The night was cool, a light breeze blowing. Her thoughts went back to a night not unlike this one, many lifetimes ago. 

 

_“Stop looking at me and look at the fucking sky Root. I’m trying to show you something here.”_

_Root smirked and leaned over to Shaw. “But you’re so much more beautiful than the sky, Sameen,” She paused and waited for the words to take effect before continuing. “Where did you even learn so much about constellations anyway?”_

_Shaw predictably glared at her before deciding to ignore the compliment. “There was this guy in the Marines who was obsessed with them. Most of the other guys were dicks but this one was alright. I liked to sit outside and ignore the rest of them but he would come and join me sometimes and he’d talk about the constellations and their names and stuff. Night skies in the desert have so many more stars than this. I guess I just liked learning and memorising the names.”_

_Root felt a warm glow in her chest at Shaw sharing a part of her past with her. The night couldn’t get more perfect. Shaw had offered to teach Root self defence and since her apartment didn’t really have much space she had brought the sparring mats up to the rooftop of the apartment building. After hours of training, Root had finally managed to pin Shaw down and had 3 seconds to savour the moment before Shaw pushed her off. She rolled onto her back and laid beside Shaw, both evidently exhausted. The sun had set a long time ago and Shaw had murmured something about Ursa Major while staring at the sky which prompted Root to ask her to tell her more. She hadn’t expected her to accede to her request but she did. Root looked back at the sky, at the group of stars that Shaw’s finger was pointing at._

  
“Hercules.” Root murmured to herself, remembering the last constellation Shaw had pointed out to her on that night. Before She had whispered in her ear, alerting Root to another mission and cutting their stargazing session short. She took a deep breath, clearing her thoughts. Just like that night all those months ago, she had a mission to complete tonight. This time, Shaw was not going to be beside her. She was somewhere else, somewhere too far away. Root silently wondered if Shaw could see stars from wherever she was. She hoped she could.

 

\---

 

“Enjoy your meal,” The waitress placed her plate of pancakes in front of her, smiling at Root before walking away. The smell wafted towards her nose and she took a fork and knife, methodically cutting through the stack as her thoughts drifted to the last time she’d been in this diner.

 

_“You’ve got a little syrup there honey.” Root leaned over the table, her finger wiping away the maple syrup that had trickled down Shaw’s chin. She brought that finger back to her mouth, sucking the syrup off as slowly as she could as she held Shaw’s gaze._

_Shaw’s glare became more pronounced as she watched Root seducing her from across the table. She visibly swallowed and Root was sure that she was squeezing her thighs together under the table._

_“Maybe you should eat your own food instead of my leftovers.” Shaw snarled._

_“I’m not really hungry, you can have them.” The words were barely out of her mouth before Shaw had reached over and pulled Root's plate towards her, tucking into the pancakes with gusto. Root watched her fondly, marvelling at Shaw’s appetite._

_“Can you stare at something other than me? Look out the window or something.” Shaw said around a large mouthful of pancakes._

_“You’re so adorable to watch Sameen. I love how enthusiastic you are about your food.”_

_“Yea well, what else am I supposed to be enthusiastic about other than food and guns? You?”_

_“A girl can dream.”_

_Shaw rolled her eyes, ignoring Root and going back to attacking her pancakes._

_Root smirked and settled back in her side of the booth as she thought about the plans she had for later involving zip ties and soft sheets. The only thing better than watching Shaw eat or shoot people was watching her come undone beneath her._

She suddenly felt a presence on her left. Harold limped slowly and sat opposite her, pulling her out of her thoughts. She sighed and focused her attention back on the mission. It had become common for her mind to wander off to memories of Shaw these days. It kept her going, helped her cope with the searing pain that filled her upon Shaw’s disappearance. She closed her eyes briefly before looking back at Harold, and started explaining her latest plan to him. 

 

\---

 

Root grit her teeth as she pulled the needle and thread through her skin, closing up the gash left behind by a knife whose owner she had promptly shot in both knees. She snipped the thread off and grabbed a bandage, slowly wrapping it around herself before leaning back onto the couch and closing her eyes. She let herself finally relax as the memories washed over her. 

 

_“Fucking idiot. Can’t leave you alone for 5 goddamn minutes before you go and get yourself maimed.” Shaw muttered under her breath, scowling as she dug glass out of Root’s skin. Contrary to her tone, her fingers were gentle as they gripped the tweezers and pulled out the shards of glass from where they had embedded themselves in Root._

_“I’m hardly maimed sweetie. I’ve had worse. Besides, you know I love it when you play doctor.” Root couldn’t help but smirk at the stark contrast between Shaw’s scolding words and her gentle actions._

_Shaw rolled her eyes and set aside the tweezers. She took a needle and threaded black thread through it before moving towards Root once again. Root tensed and held her breath, looking away from the needle. She hadn’t really fully gotten over the torture session she’d had with Control, and needles still caused her to flinch. Shaw glanced up at her apologetically, noting the small movement._

_“You know, you never told me who patched you up before I started doing it.” Shaw began conversationally._

_Root smiled at the feeble attempt at distraction. Shaw was never good with small talk, but ever since the first time she had tried to stitch Root up and noticed her aversion to needles, she had tried it for the sake of distracting Root._

_“No one in particular. I did it by myself mostly. If it was something I couldn’t handle I threatened the nearest doctor I could find. Of course I never really got into physical trouble until I started running around with you kids.”_

_Shaw snorted. “Yea, because you preferred letting others do your dirty work. Well, for someone who hasn’t had much experience in fights, you sure do act confident. Way too confident in fact. When will you learn to wait for back up? There’s no dead in team, remember.” She had reverted back to chastising her again. Root smiled fondly. Shaw could never hold back on scolding her whenever she got herself hurt._

_“Careful Sameen, I might just think that you care.”_

_Shaw tied the thread and cut it. She looked up at Root, a strange expression on her face._

_“You wouldn’t be wrong.”_

_She held Root’s gaze for a moment before looking away and started gathering up the medical supplies, placing them back neatly in the cupboard where they belonged._

Root jerked awake. She stared at the space in front of her where Shaw had been just moments ago. She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. The ache in her bones felt like it had been there all her life. She lifted her legs onto the couch and curled up. Tomorrow, she would continue the fight for Shaw. But tonight she would let exhaustion overtake her and hope that her dreams would be filled with memories of her favourite little firecracker. 

 

\---

 

The ground was cold. Very cold. Root's hand twitched towards the gun that lay just out of her reach. Her vision was getting fuzzy around the edges and she gave up on the gun and closed her eyes. She had always known that this day was going to come sooner rather than later. Root had never been particularly concerned about her own life, especially after losing both Sameen and the Machine. She let out a soft sigh as she felt the blood slowly drain out of her. 

 

“Root.” 

 

Her eyes flew open. _SHAW!_  She tried to get herself to speak, to move, to do something, anything! But she couldn't. 

 

“Root it’s okay. I’m here. It’s over. Come with me.” Shaw looked strangely calm as she extended her hand to Root.

 

“Sa- Sameen.” Her voice came out a strangled whisper. 

 

“Root you can let go now. We’re going far away from this world. You found me. There’s no need to fight anymore.” 

 

Root knew she’d follow Shaw wherever she asked, even if it was to the ends of the universe. She closed her eyes, a gentle smile appearing on her face. 

 

“Let’s go, Sameen.” 

 

\---

 

5 months later, Sameen Shaw stood at an unmarked grave. Rain fell heavily around her as she stared at the ground, her jaw clenched tightly. 

 

“Just couldn’t wait for back up could you, Root?” She muttered quietly.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. Come talk to me at funsizedshaw.tumblr and I will write you fluff to make up for this horrible piece of angst.


End file.
